Thursday, April 15, 2010

A Purse

Who died and left a bunch of hipsters and ninnies in charge of deciding that men should now carry purses? I know, some places, like Saddleback, market some attractively rugged-looking leather bags for you to stuff things inside and carry with you. Even otherwise sensible advocates of style shill such things. But should you get one? Here are some simple rules to help you decide:

1. Are you carrying diplomatic dispatches, military orders, court filings, or something closely analogous?
If yes, you can carry a bag; if no, proceed to #2.

2. Are you carrying the bag as luggage---that is, does it hold clothing or other everyday items that you are only bringing with you because you are staying overnight somewhere or traveling beyond the convenient reach of otherwise home-bound accouterments?
If yes, you can carry a bag, but only for the duration of the trip; if no, proceed to #3.

3. Are you carrying surveying equipment, fractometer, large camera, artistic implements, or other equipment needed for a professional or hobby-oriented errand on which you are going?
If yes, you can carry a bag, but only for these purposes; if no, proceed to #4.

4. Is the bag a briefcase?
If yes, you can carry this---but not any other---bag; if no, proceed below.

If you couldn't answer yes to any of these questions, then place the bag on the ground, stand up, walk away, and be a man. Be advised that you are probably carrying, or inclined to be carrying, too many things with you.